The following was sent to me by one of my friends who asked if I’d share with everyone on our blog. Mindy’s purpose in sharing is to reach out to others who may be in the same situation she faced and show them that they are not alone, and there are loving options for them to choose. At the end of this post we list a few national pregnancy websites and hotline numbers for those who are seeking help as well as the websites for those who are suffering from an abortion.
In late November 2002, I found out I was pregnant. This was the last news I wanted to hear. For awhile, I even tried to deny it, telling myself it couldn’t be true.
My life was in a lot of chaos at the time. I was a struggling single Mom of a little boy. We were basically in desperate poverty, even though I worked two or three jobs at times. Many months I would have to decide if I should pay the rent or buy food. I always chose rent because I did not want my little boy to be homeless and often we went to the food pantry or the food kitchen, and since I worked in a restaurant, I would get free meals on my break, so many times I would eat very little & bring it home for my child. There was always a way to get food and I did try my best to be a good Mom to him.
To have another child at this time brought me to tears. No, this can’t be, not now.
I got involved with someone knowing better. I was lonely and wasn’t thinking right.
He pursued me, I always politely declined, but I did have a crush on him. Many of my female co-workers did too. One day he asked for a ride home from work ,then he said he had another job to get to in about an hour, could he stop real quick over at my apartment to get ready for his other job and then I could take him to his other job in a bit. That put me off, but I am too nice, so I agreed. I knew it was difficult working two jobs and I thought I should help out. We talked a little, then things stated to get out of control. I said I didn’t think that it was a good idea, but I still gave in. I don’t know what I was thinking, not very clearly.
I had to still go to work and work with him, it was very awkward and I was embarrassed and ashamed. I didn’t know him very long, just a few months, but this was a bad situation. He became very rude with me. I was invited along with all the coworkers to a Christmas party. I had a few glasses of wine though I felt guilty because I just discovered I was pregnant, but I tried not to think about being pregnant or that it was true. Since I was feeling a little tipsy, I told a female coworker that I thought I was pregnant and that he may or may not be the Dad (I knew it was him of course, but I didn’t want to say). She looked at me funny and said ‘that woman that is with him is his wife’ and moved tables away from me. I was in shock. I said too much and I couldn’t leave until I sobered up. I would have to quit this job.
After another week or two I confirmed that yes indeed I was pregnant, I knew I had to tell him. He had a few words for me- That I could never see him again unless I had an abortion (I didn’t want to see him again anyways, so good riddance), if I don’t have an abortion it would destroy his marriage (Now I knew for sure he was married) and he said he had an ex-girlfriend that had an abortion and it was ‘no big deal’ (his words)
My mind was spinning. Of all the reasons,the one that stood out in my mind is ‘I’m going to ruin his marriage’. I knew he had a one year old daughter too. I am destroying a family and taking a child away from her Dad if I don’t have an abortion -t his ran through my mind. This was all my fault. I told him I don’t want to see him anymore and he asked if we could just talk some more. I agreed. He said I need to call and make an appointment with Planned Parenthood.
I told him I would talk to them just to finish up the conversation . He said he would drive me there. Here I am sitting in his car and I don’t know what to do. He said do I know where it is? I told him I thought I did. I guess he didn’t understand that you need an appointment, but neither did I at the time. I told him there is a place a few blocks away. He placed $300.00 in my hand and parked and said, ‘then this is the place ?’ I said yes, but I was shocked about the money and gave it back. I thanked him for the ride and he left. He dropped me off at the free health clinic where I had an appointment a couple hours away for my first prenatal appointment. I did not tell him that. And I did not know how I was going to get home.
I quit my job soon after that. I told my ex husband the situation and that I was pregnant because we were still good friends, but mostly because our son was going to be a big brother. I was scared and crying. I told him the Dad was married and that he told me to have an abortion or else it would destroy his family. I said I didn’t know at the time(though there were rumors ) that he was married . I told him I could not have an abortion, but I didn’t know what to do. I said it was all my fault. Also,I am 9 years older, he was only 21. I told my ex husband it would be easier if I told him I have cancer. I cried & cried.
My ex husband told me this-I will never forget “It is not the baby’s fault how they were conceived, this is our son’s sister or brother. God will take care of us and this child deserves a chance at life” He said he would do anything he could to help, just ask.
One man turned away from his own flesh & blood and wanted me to kill her and another man gave life affirming words and actions to her inherent value and cherished her like his own from the beginning.
I gave her Dad another chance when I called from the hospital and asked if he wanted to see her. He said “Never!” and slammed down the phone.
I have repented and feel remorse for my actions, though I have made mistakes, she was never a mistake. Her father never wanted to be in her life or get to know her, my ex husband is her God -Father and she is a child of God.
His wife did find out. I don’t know if their marriage was saved, but my child was. As far as I understand they moved away and I have never heard from him again. My daughter has at least 1 other half sibling that I hope someday she can meet (his other child).
The sins of a parent or the circumstances surrounding a child’s conception should not be a death penalty for that child. The child is always innocent. She is now a bright and beautiful 16 year old young lady. She has a caring and compassionate heart, she is a great student, she loves children and she loves God. She mentors and teaches the preschool children in the Church. I cannot imagine my life without her. God has great plans for her life.
Conceived In Adultery/ The circumstances of our conception do not determine our worth. All Life is precious /Choose Life! ~Mindy
Pregnancy Help Centers
Crisis Pregnancy Outreach – In the last two years, more than 1,000 women have received assistance from CPO. Help is available 24/7. Call or text us now: 918-296-3377. (Website lists locations throughout the USA).
CareNet – Care Net centers provide information about all pregnancy options to clients, as well as ongoing practical support for those choosing non-violent options. With more than 1,100 affiliates across North America, chances are there’s a Care Net pregnancy center in your community ready and equipped to serve you. We can connect you with your local pregnancy center in your community. Call us at 866-274-0126.
National Hotline: 1-800-712-HELP – Tex: HELPLINE TO 313131
If you or someone you know has had an abortion, help is available. Below are some links to organizations for those suffering from the effects of abortion.